Ty Guy

 I feel like I need to say something about Ty since I posted about both Claire and Weston in the same day..on my blog that I write in on average once every 3 years :) I’m trying to cope when stress and I didn’t work out today so that’s why there are 3 posts in one day! 

Ty is my big baby that I’m still carrying around all the time, my sidekick, my little buddy. He wakes up in a bad mood on most days and I slowly try to talk him into being happy. I wish I could give him my full attention like a first child would get, but mornings are hectic getting Claire and Weston to school and he’s always mad about it. He wants to be held the minute I need two hands to make a sandwich or braid hair.  I’m really grateful we can have one on one time every afternoon and I need to make the most of it.  

 My favorite has been mountain biking with him (attached to my bike on the mac ride).  A while ago I was subbing during nursery, and asked the kids about the best part of their week. He told everyone he rode “vertigo” (a fun flowy downhill with lots of jumps- we rolled over them :) It made me proud. 

Ty makes us laugh all the time. He gets mad and yells “NOT FUNNY!” so we have to try and hide it but he’s so cute you can’t help but laugh. I want him to stay little forever.  

Weston Reed

 I don’t know what I did to deserve this kid, but Weston is truly special. He has an amazing ability for a 6 year old boy to notice how others around him are feeling and offer comfort. 

The other day when I was picking Weston up from school he was really late coming out. When he finally came outside I asked him what took so long and he said that the classroom was a big mess and Mrs. Miller was cleaning it all alone so he wanted to stay and help her. Then he wanted to check in and see how his old kindergarten teacher was doing after that.  

He’s always expressing gratitude. He’s always telling me he loves me. 

I’ve had a hard few days and been a bit of a wreck emotionally. Tonight I was trying to get kids to bed and after a fight with Claire, I lost it. I needed to take a break alone in my room for a minute and get a good cry out. Wes quietly entered my room, put his arms around me, and just cried with me. It was the sweetest moment. It left me amazed at his ability to mourn with those that mourn. I just feel so lucky he’s mine. And so proud I’m raising someone so inherently good. I keep thinking how unique and special he is and it makes me feel special that I get to be his mom. 

Claire bear turns 9

Claire turned 9 this last week and it’s been a little hard for me! It hit me that she’s halfway to 18 which means I’m likely halfway through raising her.  I love this girl ❤️

One of my favorite things from this past year was rollerblading together. She has light up wheels on her little blades so we would occasionally get the boys to bed and go on night rides around the neighborhood. 

She would say cute things like 

“When I was 5, if I could see myself now...I would be so excited for my future!”

Faith Is for the Future

This is Christmas 2008.  

I was taught a valuable lesson on a rough day right after this picture was taken. Elder Holland gave a talk in a BYU devotional called “Remember Lots Wife”: Faith is for the Future.  

The story is from the Old Testament. While fleeing Sodom and Gomorrah, Lot’s wife looks back, after being told not to, and is turned to a pillar of salt. The lesson from this story, Elder Holland taught, is about looking forward instead of back. Lots wife’s sin was not looking back, it was longing to go back. 

My lesson as a newlywed (when I was wishing to go back to easier times) was about having faith God is leading me somewhere better. This example does not mean my single life was comparable to Sodom and Gomorrah 🙂 just that it was time to go somewhere else and I needed to trust the Lord in that process.  

Fast forward 13 years.  Christmas 2021. I still constantly  remind myself of this lesson— to trust the Lord is continuing to lead me somewhere better— motherhood exhaust me some days and I long for easier times but then remember—faith is for the future. I can certainly see the happy results of pressing forward with faith. 

Heavenly Mother

I went to an art exhibit dedicated to Heavenly Mother this weekend.  An idea I gathered from a few of the pieces that I loved was this: 

Here I am on my last pregnancy with Ty. While that little guy was growing, he had very little knowledge of who I was, despite being wholly reliant upon me for survival. Though he didn’t yet understand me or his family,  maybe he could feel this truth:

“Someone I do not fully comprehend loves me deeply and unconditionally.”

So it is with a Heavenly Mother.  Here in a temporary earthly womb, growing to a point where I'm ready to meet her, I am deeply and unconditionally loved, though I know little of her. In the exhibit, a lot of the art associated Mother in Heaven with Mother Nature- who we are fully reliant upon for our survival. The earth gives us everything we need to survive and grow, like a mothers womb does for a growing baby. 

In the womb, we don’t know why we needed eyes when we couldn’t see  or why we were growing arms and legs when we couldn’t move. Similarly, on earth we are learning  to function in families and communities, I think, to prepare us for the future. 

 

Another thought I loved was this:  “Once she is understood we can all know ourselves, but not until then.”

This abstract painting used bonds and structures that are somewhat ambiguous yet beautiful and foundational. 

For now, we have the foundational pattern of families to follow. That structure, to me, can feel like this abstract painting, ambiguous but beautiful. We don’t know details but we have a structural bond. I think our self discovery will broaden all the more when we can finally know Her. 

Lastly, I loved this: 

“Find the Savior,  He will guide you.

Find the Father, He will protect you. 

Then, find me, and come home.”

This piece was called “The Veil is Beginning to Burst” 

At some point, more knowledge will be revealed. I’m ready for it. Im ready to understand more than I do. 

It was a beautiful exhibit. 

2020 Halloween

I was really excited about a matching Harry Potter themed Halloween for my kids this year. The only problem is I failed to inform Ty he was going to be Malfoy till the day of Halloween and he was not happy about it. 😄

I asked him what he wanted to be instead and he told me Mickey Mouse.  I quickly made some paper Mickey Mouse ears taped to Claire’s headband and he loved it. 

Themes are so fun though. Here are some past Halloween favorites:

Eve and Improvement

I recently read through this blog and decided I miss writing. 

Five years from my last blog post...

I had another baby! That makes 3. Claire (almost 8), Wes (5), and Ty (2). We’re finally to a point where we can get out and do cool things as a family- mountain biking, rock climbing, we even took our kids backpacking in the Uintas. I’m in my happiest place during those times. I also found CrossFit and starting throwing weights around to deal with my feelings instead of writing :).  But, I think I should write more again. 

Here’s the latest lesson I’m learning because that’s what I find most valuable to read back on: 

I’ve been studying about Eve and how she thoughtfully and independently chose mortality because she had a desire for improvement. 

Right after Adam and Eve ate the forbidden fruit, and became subject to mortality, they realized they were naked.

At first, persuaded by satan, they hid; feeling ashamed and afraid.  They had been naked all along but their newfound ability to feel vulnerable and guilty made them embarrassed. Also they knew they had transgressed; So they hid. 

This is where a God-given character trait comes in. When shame says “hide” guilt says, “repair”. We all have the light of Christ in us which causes guilt when we know we need to change. The purpose of guilt is to drive us to action (not make us sad and want to hide—that’s from satan). 

Adam and Eve couldn’t hide forever, so they made an attempt to cover themselves by creating fig-leaf aprons. It was a nice effort, but, these are leaves we are talking about. 

It was an improvement from naked, but still,  not great protection. 

Adam and Eve then conversed with God,  made some covenants/ promised to improve and do better, and God made them high quality “coats of skin”- symbolic in many ways of the superior protection Jesus gives us. 

When I’m feeling vulnerable my lesson is that instead of hiding, to improve, but most importantly- turn to the Lord. My meager attempts at improvement are then perfected through the Savior, Jesus Christ. He can and will protect me in ways far superior to my fig-leaf attempts. 

I admire Eve for choosing to leave paradise for a chance to improve. I’m going to try and be more like her- when I feel like hiding, instead I’m going to look for ways to do better, and then turn to the Lord to magnify and perfect my efforts in ways I’m not capable of. 

My greatest investment

So far, my accomplishments for the day include:

✔ 10 diapers changed 

✔ 8 owies kissed better 

✔ 75 totally irrational tantrums somewhat, kind-of, not really resolved 

✔ 1 successful persuasion to change out of mermaid jammie's before 5 pm

✔ 2 public meltdowns cut short via dum dums 

✔ 1 streaking episode put to an end before reaching the neighbors

✔ fed claire a healthy breakfast of olives, pickles, and chocolate milk 

✔ white couch covers removed, washed, and replaced after spilled olives, pickles, and chocolate milk

✔ convinced claire to feed her doll fake plastic food instead of handfuls of flour

I really really wanted to add in:

✔ swam in a lake

✔ rock climbed a mountain 

✔ biked a cool trail

✔ ran through a forest

But alas, these babies needed me nearly every second of today. So instead I will ponder on this quote:

"You will come to know that what appears today to be a sacrifice will prove instead to be the greatest investment that you will ever make." Gordon B. Hinkley

Before I know it, we can swim in a lake, rock climb a mountain, bike a cool trail, and run through a forest as a family. 

I'm so in love with these little big investments of mine.

Be true to yourself by loosing yourself

I've been thinking about the phrase, "be true to yourself." It means to act in accordance with who you are and what you believe; to not care about what anyone else thinks- just be YOU. 

I've also been thinking about how I can be true to myself without becoming over-focused on myself. In a day of selfies and status updates, it's easy to get caught up in thinking everyone is dying to know everything about us (or our thoughts via blogging....guilty!)

Here's what I'm learning lately: 

Self-absorption in all its forms kills empathy, let alone compassion.  When we focus on ourselves, our world contracts as our problems and preoccupations loom large.  But when we focus on others, our world expands.  Our own problems drift to the periphery of the mind and so seem smaller, and we increase our capacity for connection - or compassionate action.

Daniel Goleman

Before I got married I spent a summer in chimaltenago, Guatemala. While there, I slept on a box spring with no mattress, got lice in my hair from helping in an orphanage, became super sick from the unclean water, and feared for my life on four different occasions 

1. a group of men followed me home one night and cat called at my window for an hour

2.  a mentally distressed man tried to throw a giant rock at the windshield of my car on the freeway

3. a kind passerby warned our group of a gang ahead robbing people at gunpoint

4. a 15-year-old boy driving the city bus blew the transmission and stopped the bus just before going off a cliff

Basically, my time in Guatemala was absolutely terrifying :).  Just kidding, there were some really good experiences too. 

I discovered a couple of things through service to others (I was there with the organization HELP International and spent my time in a variety of service projects). First of all, I realized my petty life problems are insignificant compared to other problems in our world. Also, life isn't fair. By both controllable but largely uncontrollable circumstances, we all have hard things to deal with. It feels like some people really seem to be worse off though. I learned serving people makes me love people and loving people makes it easier to love life. 

Mahatma Gandhi said, "The best way to find yourself is to lose yourself in the service of others." 

Jesus said it too,  "For whosoever will save his life shall lose it: and whosoever will lose his life for my sake shall find it." Matthew 16:25 

These experiences and lessons in Guatemala helped me "be true to myself" because they shaped who I am, who I hope to become, what I believe, and how I view the world.

Upon returning home from Guatemala, I immediately got myself hitched. I figured that since I miraculously made it home alive, I better fast track the marriage and kids part of life before getting any more ideas about traveling to another third world county. 

Well, let me tell you- there is nothing quite like marriage to make one aware of their own flaws, stubborn thinking, and single focused view on life. Joining my life with someone who has grown up with different ideas and ways of doing things requires me to evaluate myself on a daily basis. It requires me to admit at times that I am wrong. It requires me to face the fact that who I am and how I think could truly benefit from a little (ok, a lot) of work to become better! There are things about myself that I have changed for the better these past seven years that I entirely credit to Steve's excellent example. There are things I'm still working on. Marriage requires loosing oneself in the sense of making one aware of and giving up their bad habits. In this case, again- the best way to find yourself (or perfect yourself) is to lose yourself in the service of others  (in this case, serving, committing to, and loving a spouse). 

About five years into marriage, I all of the sudden had this extremely strong desire to have a baby. Despite it being THE HARDEST THING I HAVE EVER DONE!!! (note the caps and three exclamation points) two years after that insanely challenging but breathtakingly beautiful baby girl entered my life, I had the desire to do it all again.  Now here I am, awake in the wee hours of the night because my sleep patterns will never be the same after these two  babies of mine. 

When it’s said you will find yourself by loosing yourself to serving others- boy is that true with motherhood. There are times when I really do feel like I'm literally loosing myself- when I've spent the whole day taking care of other people and I think (or cry) to myself- Wait! What about me!? When do I get to sleep, or get a shower in, or just have a minute to myself! But then I look at my beautiful children and I cry even harder (happy tears) at how much I love them, at how enriched my life is because of them, and how much my heart has increased in its capacity to feel. I may have lost my free time, but in return, I've found a much deeper meaning to my life.  I’m kind of blown away by the trust and responsibility put in my hands every time I have a baby. 

So ironically, I have found, if I want to be true to myself- I need to stop focusing on myself. In loosing myself in service to others I learn far more about myself and my purpose in this world than I do in a life only focused on me. I say this all- but it's something I'm still working on daily. I really love taking care of myself too. And I’ve recognized that to effectively serve other people, I need to take care of myself first. But there’s a balance!!!! Working on finding that which is why I’m writing this! :) 

Now time to catch some zzzzs before baby boy decides he's hungry again! 

The gift of a body

Maybe it's because I just had a baby, or that I'm training for a triathalon, or that my brother-in-law just got in a bad dirt bike accident with Steve and is currently struggling with limited and dysfunctional use of his body... Either way, the gift of a body is on my mind.

My mom always taught me not to complain about the wrapping paper on the greatest gift we've ever been given. In other words, don't over stress about outer appearance; just focus on the incredible things this gift can do- it can run, jump, dance, climb, ski, swim, think, feel, dream, create life, work, play. IT'S AMAZING! So if the wrapping paper is a little wrinkled, torn, or the bow isn't as pretty as someone else's... That's not what's important! It's the gift inside. I'm grateful my mom raised me this way and it's how I want to raise my kids. 

This is my mom- loving life during our half marathon last summer. This is me- not loving life quite as much as her :)

An excerpt from an article I love about how to talk to your daughter about her body:(http://m.huffpost.com/us/entry/3678534)

"Encourage your daughter to run because it makes her feel less stressed. Encourage your daughter to climb mountains because there is nowhere better to explore your spirituality than the peak of the universe. Encourage your daughter to surf, or rock climb, or mountain bike because it scares her and that's a good thing sometimes." 

We should exercise so we are capable of doing the things we love, are healthy, and able to enjoy life.  I've realized that I'm the happiest when I'm out doing wholesome recreational activities with my body- when I'm putting that gift to use and seeing what it is capable of. 

After both of these pictures it was capable of enduring a serious face plant. 

With it being said to not over focus on outer appearances, I do think it's important to respect the gift by taking care of it.  Just like you don't put a bumper sticker on a ferrari, our bodies are THAT nice that they don't need much else added to them to distract from that. BUT washing and polishing the fararri shows we value it. Being a mom, I can definitely improve on actually getting ready for the day and not wearing the same yoga pants for days (ok, months) straight (without ever doing yoga). Even if I'm just going to get barfed on... Eh, forget it, yoga pants until my babies are five. 

I'm really anxious for my brother-in-law, Phil, to get his bones healed and body recovered (see Jerai's blog on my side bar of blogs I follow for details on all that). 

Which, here is another incredible aspect of this gift we are given- it's ability to be healed. I'm so grateful to a Heavenly Father who not only gave us a body, but one that he promises will be made perfect. It truly is one of the greatest gifts. I intend to keep putting it to use for the purpose it was given- to enjoy life, explore, learn, make babies :). If I obtain a J-Lo butt along the way, no complaints there, but really I will just be happy to finish (and hopefully enjoy) this triathalon in a few weeks!

Best off my phone

My iPhone fell in the bath with Claire last night and after sitting in a bowl of rice all night, I was so happy to wake up and find it was still alive! I decided I should back it up since it has a billion pictures that I love and would be so sad to loose. I also thought I would post some of my favorites :) 

2 months

Our little baby is two months old.

Steve and I may be going slightly crazy. Sometimes I find myself rocking back and forth whispering "shh, shh, shh", only to realize Claire is asleep in the other room. And, the other day I looked over at Steve and he was bouncing his ipad.  :) 

Despite all my attempts to get her on a good schedule, bathe her in lavender bubble baths, and keep her up all evening- I think we're still pretty far from sleeping through the night.  I need to stop watching Downtown Abby and Modern Family and go to bed early because it’s like death when this girl then wakes up 4 + times in the night. Sweet mercy. 

 





This little bean sure is adorable.

Responsibility

I've been thinking a lot about "growing up" lately. Let's be honest, sometimes I miss my carefree, jobless, spontaneous days. 24 years old and I am worried about performing well at my job, keeping my marriage strong, paying off our house, finishing the remodel on our house, being a good landlord, preparing for retirement/savings, learning about 401ks and investing, doing my taxes, figuring out health insurance, planning for a family, serving more at church, being a good neighbor....

grown up stuff.

What happened to worrying about what outfit to wear or how to fix my hair? Or being the best girl wakeboarder? Or what fun things I should do over the weekend?

All of the sudden I've started caring about politics. All of the sudden I like almonds and I don't take the tomatoes off my sandwich. I've started handing out business cards and carrying around my day planner. When did this all happen???!!! :)

I want to progress and become a better person and I believe adding responsibility to my life is essential for that to happen. I'm grateful for the perspective I have on life and it's purpose. I believe in the process and I believe in the destination. I wish I was better than I am, but I'm so grateful that I have this chance to learn. Even though I feel like I'm getting old, I know that I'm still a baby in terms of what I know and what I still need to learn.

BUT, here's my goal: add more fun to my responsibilities!!!!

6 more months!

My triplet brothers only have 6 months left of their missions in Chile! 189 days to be exact! I seriously got so excited thinking about it today. Honestly, there is nothing I am more excited for this year. I think i'm going to make a paper chain link countdown that's how excited I am!

They're definitely in the prime of their missions right now. All their emails sound amazing. I can tell they are working really hard and are incredibly happy. I'm so proud.

My dad worked his magic to get Tyson transferred to BYU Provo (technically we don't find out for two weeks, but the admissions office said he should get in no problem) so all three boys are planning on living together in the Fall. I've already planned it out to have family dinners over at my place at least once a week, followed by "Just Dance" competitions on the Wii. Also, they are required to bring all their dates over to hang out with Steve and I.

I may not be the daintiest girl for growing up with all brothers, but I seriously loved it.

My brothers taught me:

1. To never watch what I eat, and to never loose an eating contest (that's starting to catch up to me by the way)

2. Running in the snow with little clothing is fun... supposedly... still not sure about this one.

3. After Lord of the Rings came out, clearly owning your own sword was pure necessity (yes... I too owned a sword that hung on my bedroom wall... it makes me laugh that my parents had no problem with us ordering swords off Chinese websites)

3. It's okay if you are the oldest

person dressed up at the bookstore at midnight to get Harry Potter books... (Ha, jokes on Ben... he was the oldest!)

4. And above all.... Mustaches are cool.

(This one helped me when I was dating Steve.)

My brothers are my best friends. Six more months till our whole family is together! For now, I will try and patiently wait because I know there is nothing better the triplets could be doing.

But let me tell you this... There are some fun times ahead!!