Ty Guy

 I feel like I need to say something about Ty since I posted about both Claire and Weston in the same day..on my blog that I write in on average once every 3 years :) I’m trying to cope when stress and I didn’t work out today so that’s why there are 3 posts in one day! 

Ty is my big baby that I’m still carrying around all the time, my sidekick, my little buddy. He wakes up in a bad mood on most days and I slowly try to talk him into being happy. I wish I could give him my full attention like a first child would get, but mornings are hectic getting Claire and Weston to school and he’s always mad about it. He wants to be held the minute I need two hands to make a sandwich or braid hair.  I’m really grateful we can have one on one time every afternoon and I need to make the most of it.  

 My favorite has been mountain biking with him (attached to my bike on the mac ride).  A while ago I was subbing during nursery, and asked the kids about the best part of their week. He told everyone he rode “vertigo” (a fun flowy downhill with lots of jumps- we rolled over them :) It made me proud. 

Ty makes us laugh all the time. He gets mad and yells “NOT FUNNY!” so we have to try and hide it but he’s so cute you can’t help but laugh. I want him to stay little forever.  

Weston Reed

 I don’t know what I did to deserve this kid, but Weston is truly special. He has an amazing ability for a 6 year old boy to notice how others around him are feeling and offer comfort. 

The other day when I was picking Weston up from school he was really late coming out. When he finally came outside I asked him what took so long and he said that the classroom was a big mess and Mrs. Miller was cleaning it all alone so he wanted to stay and help her. Then he wanted to check in and see how his old kindergarten teacher was doing after that.  

He’s always expressing gratitude. He’s always telling me he loves me. 

I’ve had a hard few days and been a bit of a wreck emotionally. Tonight I was trying to get kids to bed and after a fight with Claire, I lost it. I needed to take a break alone in my room for a minute and get a good cry out. Wes quietly entered my room, put his arms around me, and just cried with me. It was the sweetest moment. It left me amazed at his ability to mourn with those that mourn. I just feel so lucky he’s mine. And so proud I’m raising someone so inherently good. I keep thinking how unique and special he is and it makes me feel special that I get to be his mom. 

Claire bear turns 9

Claire turned 9 this last week and it’s been a little hard for me! It hit me that she’s halfway to 18 which means I’m likely halfway through raising her.  I love this girl ❤️

One of my favorite things from this past year was rollerblading together. She has light up wheels on her little blades so we would occasionally get the boys to bed and go on night rides around the neighborhood. 

She would say cute things like 

“When I was 5, if I could see myself now...I would be so excited for my future!”

Faith Is for the Future

This is Christmas 2008.  

I was taught a valuable lesson on a rough day right after this picture was taken. Elder Holland gave a talk in a BYU devotional called “Remember Lots Wife”: Faith is for the Future.  

The story is from the Old Testament. While fleeing Sodom and Gomorrah, Lot’s wife looks back, after being told not to, and is turned to a pillar of salt. The lesson from this story, Elder Holland taught, is about looking forward instead of back. Lots wife’s sin was not looking back, it was longing to go back. 

My lesson as a newlywed (when I was wishing to go back to easier times) was about having faith God is leading me somewhere better. This example does not mean my single life was comparable to Sodom and Gomorrah 🙂 just that it was time to go somewhere else and I needed to trust the Lord in that process.  

Fast forward 13 years.  Christmas 2021. I still constantly  remind myself of this lesson— to trust the Lord is continuing to lead me somewhere better— motherhood exhaust me some days and I long for easier times but then remember—faith is for the future. I can certainly see the happy results of pressing forward with faith. 

Heavenly Mother

I went to an art exhibit dedicated to Heavenly Mother this weekend.  An idea I gathered from a few of the pieces that I loved was this: 

Here I am on my last pregnancy with Ty. While that little guy was growing, he had very little knowledge of who I was, despite being wholly reliant upon me for survival. Though he didn’t yet understand me or his family,  maybe he could feel this truth:

“Someone I do not fully comprehend loves me deeply and unconditionally.”

So it is with a Heavenly Mother.  Here in a temporary earthly womb, growing to a point where I'm ready to meet her, I am deeply and unconditionally loved, though I know little of her. In the exhibit, a lot of the art associated Mother in Heaven with Mother Nature- who we are fully reliant upon for our survival. The earth gives us everything we need to survive and grow, like a mothers womb does for a growing baby. 

In the womb, we don’t know why we needed eyes when we couldn’t see  or why we were growing arms and legs when we couldn’t move. Similarly, on earth we are learning  to function in families and communities, I think, to prepare us for the future. 

 

Another thought I loved was this:  “Once she is understood we can all know ourselves, but not until then.”

This abstract painting used bonds and structures that are somewhat ambiguous yet beautiful and foundational. 

For now, we have the foundational pattern of families to follow. That structure, to me, can feel like this abstract painting, ambiguous but beautiful. We don’t know details but we have a structural bond. I think our self discovery will broaden all the more when we can finally know Her. 

Lastly, I loved this: 

“Find the Savior,  He will guide you.

Find the Father, He will protect you. 

Then, find me, and come home.”

This piece was called “The Veil is Beginning to Burst” 

At some point, more knowledge will be revealed. I’m ready for it. Im ready to understand more than I do. 

It was a beautiful exhibit. 

2020 Halloween

I was really excited about a matching Harry Potter themed Halloween for my kids this year. The only problem is I failed to inform Ty he was going to be Malfoy till the day of Halloween and he was not happy about it. 😄

I asked him what he wanted to be instead and he told me Mickey Mouse.  I quickly made some paper Mickey Mouse ears taped to Claire’s headband and he loved it. 

Themes are so fun though. Here are some past Halloween favorites:

Eve and Improvement

I recently read through this blog and decided I miss writing. 

Five years from my last blog post...

I had another baby! That makes 3. Claire (almost 8), Wes (5), and Ty (2). We’re finally to a point where we can get out and do cool things as a family- mountain biking, rock climbing, we even took our kids backpacking in the Uintas. I’m in my happiest place during those times. I also found CrossFit and starting throwing weights around to deal with my feelings instead of writing :).  But, I think I should write more again. 

Here’s the latest lesson I’m learning because that’s what I find most valuable to read back on: 

I’ve been studying about Eve and how she thoughtfully and independently chose mortality because she had a desire for improvement. 

Right after Adam and Eve ate the forbidden fruit, and became subject to mortality, they realized they were naked.

At first, persuaded by satan, they hid; feeling ashamed and afraid.  They had been naked all along but their newfound ability to feel vulnerable and guilty made them embarrassed. Also they knew they had transgressed; So they hid. 

This is where a God-given character trait comes in. When shame says “hide” guilt says, “repair”. We all have the light of Christ in us which causes guilt when we know we need to change. The purpose of guilt is to drive us to action (not make us sad and want to hide—that’s from satan). 

Adam and Eve couldn’t hide forever, so they made an attempt to cover themselves by creating fig-leaf aprons. It was a nice effort, but, these are leaves we are talking about. 

It was an improvement from naked, but still,  not great protection. 

Adam and Eve then conversed with God,  made some covenants/ promised to improve and do better, and God made them high quality “coats of skin”- symbolic in many ways of the superior protection Jesus gives us. 

When I’m feeling vulnerable my lesson is that instead of hiding, to improve, but most importantly- turn to the Lord. My meager attempts at improvement are then perfected through the Savior, Jesus Christ. He can and will protect me in ways far superior to my fig-leaf attempts. 

I admire Eve for choosing to leave paradise for a chance to improve. I’m going to try and be more like her- when I feel like hiding, instead I’m going to look for ways to do better, and then turn to the Lord to magnify and perfect my efforts in ways I’m not capable of.